A motorist was on trial for hitting a pedestrian. The motorist's
lawyer made this point: "Your honor, my client has been driving for over thirty years."
To which the lawyer for the plaintiff retorted: "Your honor, if we are going to judge this case by experience, may I remind you
that my client has over 55 years of walking experience."
***
The widow lay crying on her psychiatrist's couch. "We were married twenty-five years before he died," she said, dabbing
away a tear. "Never had an argument in all those years."
"Amazing," said the doctor. "How did you do it?"
"I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward."
***
One of my wife's friends is a lesbian. One day we got to talking and I asked her did she ever wonder what it would be like to have
children.
She said it was the one thing she regretted about her sexual orientation, that she might never be a mother.
She's a good-looking lady, and I said slyly that if she ever wanted to be impregnated I'd be happy to help out -- purely altruistically
of course.
She shot me a death-ray look, and told me with a curling lip that if she ever decided to reproduce, it would be by artificial
insemination.
"No problem," I replied, "If you want artificial, I'll tell you I love you."
